Navigating Anxiety, Perfectionism, and Imposter Syndrome: A Guide for Black Women
As licensed therapists that specialize in helping clients cultivate healthier relationships, particularly with themselves, we understand the multifaceted challenges many black women face. Among these challenges are anxiety, perfectionism, and imposter syndrome—three interconnected adversaries that can hinder personal growth and well-being. In this article, we aim to provide insight, support, and actionable strategies for navigating these obstacles on your journey towards self-empowerment and fulfillment.
Black Woman, your worth is not determined by your productivity.
-Miranda
Before getting into into strategies for overcoming anxiety, perfectionism, and imposter syndrome, it's essential to recognize that black women are disproportionately affected by anxiety disorders compared to their white counterparts. Various factors contribute to this disparity, including systemic racism, socio-economic stressors, and cultural stigma surrounding mental health.
Moreover, the intersection of societal expectations and internalized pressure often manifests as perfectionism and imposter syndrome. Perfectionism, characterized by setting excessively high standards and experiencing distress when falling short, can lead to chronic stress and burnout. Imposter syndrome, on the other hand, entails feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt despite external evidence of competence—a phenomenon all too familiar to many black women navigating predominantly white spaces.
If this is something you resonate with, we encourage you to do the following things.
Breaking the Cycle: Strategies for Growth
1. Find the Balance Between Self Compassion and Accountability:
As a black woman, you may feel pressure to excel in every aspect of your life. This may show up with you expecting to go from having the perfect appearance, while chasing toddlers and “the bag” in your professional life. Or maybe it’s being the perfect friend-cousin-sister-daughter, not allowing yourself to miss a call, crisis or turn up. These are all important things to you, but they can’t all hold equal importance. It’s necessary to put things into perspective and make decisions that are based in both emotion and logic. The emotional part of you wants to be there for everyone, but the logical side knows that in order to do so, you must be there for yourself FIRST.
On some level, you know that perfection is unattainable. The first step towards actually believing it and healing that anxious part of yourself is to embrace the concept of "being good enough" and whatever that means for that day. Having self compassion takes into account that your bandwidth for doing all the things will fluctuate. It’s resisting the urge to beat yourself up for not achieving your goals immediately. Self compassion is not rigid and allows you to see success defined in several ways, versus only one way.
2. Get an Understanding of Where Inner Critical Voice Came From:
Have you ever thought to yourself, '“when did I first start expecting so much of me?”. If not, do so now and explore, who or what experiences taught you that your sense of adequacy is wrapped up in unreasonably high standards. In our practice, we often uncover that the critical voice our clients hear originate from childhood expectations set by a parent or some other external expectation. When this is discovered, we set out to distinguish the values imparted on them in childhood from their own.
This does not mean that you had “bad parents” or a “bad childhood”, it simply means that you (like everyone else), developed and carried narratives from their childhood about how the world works into their adulthood. Exploration with your therapist can help you identify these narratives and begin to shift them so that they more closely reflect who you are today, as an adult and the circumstances that come with it.
For example, if you were raised to believe that all the dishes had to be washed before you went to bed with no exceptions, you may have grown into an adult who believes that all dishes have to be washed before you go to bed, no exceptions. An indicator that this may be a problem is if you will wake up in the middle of the night because you forgot to wash the dishes and your inner critic nags you until the task is complete. The opportunity to shift this narrative lies in the fact that unless you live with your parents, they won’t know you didn’t clean the dishes. We want you to feel empowered enough to live by your own standards which would be more reasonably expressed with, “It’s not like me to forget, it must be an indication that I needed some rest”, or “I’m resting now, I will wash the dishes when I wake up in the morning”.
Black Woman, your imperfections won’t discredit your legacy.
-Miranda
3. Set Realistic Expectations:
While we’re not one to discourage anyone from setting big audacious goals, there is something to the phrase “one step at a time. We encourage you to give yourself time and space to evolve. Let go of the notion that you must meet every goal or intention immediately upon setting it because it is a trap! If you are tired of seeing yourself in the same space month after month/year after year, it’s likely because you are seeing your goals as something to do all at once. Stop and step back for a second. Identify smaller steps you can take towards your goal and start there.
This may feel uncomfortable at first. The gentler approach we are instructing you to take may feel foreign and even irresponsible; However, we want you to reflect on how effective being rigid with the expectations you’ve had for yourself have been thus far. Our prediction is that it’s only contributed to your anxiety and lack of sleep at night. If you give yourself time and space to grow into your goals, you will develop a deeper sense of trust of yourself and likely get the same amount accomplished at a faster rate with your edges intact.
4. Seek Support:
Don't hesitate to reach out for support when needed. Whether it's confiding in a trusted friend, joining a support group, or seeking professional therapy, surrounding yourself with understanding allies can provide invaluable encouragement and perspective. We want to normalize that this step can require a little bit of vulnerability - especially if you are used to being referred to or see yourself as, “the strong one”. Allowing healthy supports to be there for you won’t make this any less true.
If you feel like you could benefit from the support of one of our trusted therapists at PORT Counseling Group, let us know. We are happy to schedule a brief free phone consultation to see how we can best work together to help heal the things that keep you from having the relationships you want and deserve.
